Twelve Principles for Dealing With a Difficult Child

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1. Be specific about your expectations and stick to them!

 

2. Put first things first. Keep your focus on important issues and choose your battles wisely. Don't get into power struggles that you can't win (which is most of them because kids generally don't fight fairly). And besides, you want to teach your child to make good decisions, not to win power struggles.

 

3. Praise, Praise, and Praise some more! (Keep in mind, B.F. Skinner won the "Humanist of the Year Award" for his research on positive reinforcement's robust power to shape human behavior.)

 

4. Be knowledgeable about your child's specific problem(s) and difficulties.

 

5. Spend "one-on-one" time with your child, focusing only on positives (at least one hour per week).

 

6. Be specific about positive and negative consequences ("rewards and punishments"), and follow through with them assiduously. Remember, not even defiant children will attempt to defy the physical laws of gravity, because these laws are clear and consistently experienced by all children, all of the time. Allow your words and actions to be clear and consistent ... Emulate gravity!

 

7. Act quickly, speak calmly, and rant rarely. (Remember, gravity neither whines nor bargains ... it simply acts).

 

8. Give bonuses, and focus on the positive.

 

9. Seek out the middle ground: "neither wimp nor drill-instructor shall thy be." Know when to negotiate, and know when to stand firm.

 

10. Practice forgiveness, patience and recommitment.

 

11. Use others for support, and seek professional consultation when appropriate.

 

12. Remember to take care of yourself. You have needs too.

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